Bad Movies Made Better

Last night, my lovely friend Kristen and I went to see The Other Boleyn Girl, which promised to be a tepid historical soap opera with great costumes. It lived up to my expectations. I ogled Eric Bana, wished Kristen Scott-Thomas had more screen time, contemplated getting collagen injections in my lips, silently cursed the cinematographer, etc. It had its moments (mostly involving George, the amiable Boleyn brother, and Kristen Scott-Thomas, who never makes a mistake on any screen, ever), but all in all was nothing more than a moderately sordid brocade-bodice-ripper with historically important babies.

That being said... Best. Audience. Ever. Here's why:

SPOILERS BELOW (Although, this being an "historical" movie, you might know about all this stuff anyway. Mulligan.)


Anne Boleyn, recently married to the recently-annulled Henry VIII, has called her brother and sister to her room after she has miscarried, and, suddenly realizing that her only value to England is reproductive, is in hysterics. Mary (Scarlett Johansson, looking aggrieved-and-sultry instead of just sultry) and George try to console her. Then, scheming to find a new babydaddy outside the marriage bed to keep Henry in the dark, Anne looks meaningfully at her brother. Long pause. Cue dramatic, fraught music.

And then, from the audience, continuously: "Augh! No! Sick! WHAT? No! Don't do it! EW! Are you kidding me? No! That is so wrong! What? Stop! Seriously, stop! Don't! Ugh!"

MARY: May God have mercy on you both!
AUDIENCE: You tell 'em! For reals! That's nasty. AUGH! No! Don't do it! Stop it! Stop!
GEORGE'S WIFE, hiding in the shadows: *cries*
AUDIENCE: Ohhhh, no. Ohhhh, no. She's gonna... that is his wife. Oh, Lord.
ANNE: I can't! I can't!
AUDIENCE: *massive sigh of relief* OhthankGod.

It was awesome. The moral of the story is, if you're going to see a movie that's probably going to be bad, then at least try to get a good crowd.


John Dekker said...

Tell me about it. I watched Juno the other day, and I was the only one in the cinema who applauded at the end. :(

Laura said...

JD, what did you think of Juno? Seems like people either love it or hate it.

Jacob said...

That is a funny story. When I was little and we went to see Lion King, my mom threw popcorn at the young couple sitting a few rows down making out the whole movie.

In response to your comment, I think Luther would be equally concerned with what kind of beer you were drinking as the book you were reading. Was it something decent like a Guinness?

Jacob said...

Good point. I don't think that there are many places you will encounter the word "mortification" outside of Christian theology.

Guinness isn't my favorite, but it's not a bad standard fare. What are your favorite brews? I'm a fan of the Shiner's beers, as well as a local microbrew chain here in Phoenix called BJ's. Both brew a mean blonde.

Laura said...

I've had a lot of doppelbocks this winter -- it's a very wintry style. Aventinus is probably the easiest to find: tastes like dried fruit, toffee, dark malt, extremely complex!

I'm really into white ales this time of year -- they're a more springy style and they tend to have a little hoppy edge as opposed to hefeweizens, which are similar but don't have any bitterness at all. I think of hefeweizens as summer beers, perfect for a hot afternoon. I tend to drink seasonally, which is good, because brewers tend to brew seasonally! :)

Jacob said...

Shiner's Hefeweizen is pretty good and not very bitter at all. I hesitate to say it's sweet, because it's not, but it's close. I've only be running around in the playground that is the world of beer for a few months, so I'll have to see if I can find and try Aventinus around here.

Laura said...

Shiner's a big step up from a macro -- if you like hefeweizens, give Franziskaner or Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier a try. Both German, both delicious. The Franziskaner is easier to find and the Weihenstephaner is WAY (way way way) better.

The Borg said...

American audiences interact a lot more, I notice. Pryderi and I were saying "what? ewww!" to each other in that scene.